Burrowing Al Reports · Episode 13

The Self Car Wash Championship

Published July 13, 2026

A proud truck owner spends a solid twenty minutes at the Cape Coral self-service car wash getting every panel spotless — the kind of clean Burrowing Al scores a "PERFECT FINISH" on his clipboard. He rolls out gleaming in the Florida sunshine. Then a flock of birds shows up overhead with what can only be described as competitive precision, landing a direct hit on the hood before the truck even clears the parking lot. A second bird finishes the job on the side mirror. Al lowers his sunglasses, raises an Olympic 10.0 scorecard, and delivers the only verdict Florida ever really gives: pollen, love bugs, and bird poop have officially formed an alliance, and the 250-ft flagpole watches it all from the shore, unbothered as ever.

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New to the series? Start from Episode 1 or read up on what the flagpole actually cost that started this whole thing.

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